Humor

“Are We There Yet?”

/ Andy R Taylor / 2 Comments

If you’re a parent you’ve heard that question more than a few times. In fact it could happen on just about any trip. Doesn’t matter if it’s a short trip or a long one you’re apt to hear it. We had five kids so you can imagine how many times we heard, “Are we there yet?”, in their younger years. Little kids don’t really have much concept of time and distance. If they’re in the car and you drive a few miles they immediately start wondering why we’re not already there.

Our Christian walk of faith is kinda like that too. We go a ways, encounter a mess of trials tribulations, overcome one thing after another, win a few, lose a few, slowly but gradually get better…..and you’d think we oughta be there. Our life is an incredible ‘road trip’ if you can think about it that way. We may not express it to the Lord exactly like our kids do on a trip, but you gotta admit….we’re thinkin’ it! “Are we there yet?” I bet the Lord gets a kick out of our impatience at times. But in the long haul we’re like our kids; as we mature we begin to realize it’s not a quick trip. It takes a while to get ‘there’. 

Spiritual maturity is not an elusive thing at all. It’s attainable alright,……it just takes awhile. We’re on our way there now. But we might as well just settle in and realize it’s a lifelong endeavor. It takes a long, long time for people like us to get conformed into the image of Jesus. When I look at my own life I can tell I’m more like Him than I was….but in all reality I’ve got a long way to go.

It’s an incredible trip we’re on; not a short one by any means, more like a marathon. and when we wonder, “Are we there yet?”, we might need to remind ourselves; no, we’re not there yet……but we’re closer than we were!

Here’s a few you might like too:

 

Dysfunction Junction

“You Are Here”

Livin’ It Up

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“It’ll Ride” Part 3

/ Andy R Taylor / 6 Comments

I know you’ve been waiting for the next one. LOL I think I may be getting down to the last ones now. I’m trying to minimize the “It’ll Ride” incidents the best I can. It’s kind of a chronic problem. If my guess is right there’s a few others out there who have a story or two of their own. 

Years ago when we were living on the ranch my Mom had sent one of her favorite  rocking chairs to the upholsterer in Pampa, Texas. It was on the Wednesday right before Thanksgiving and she sent me there to pick up the chair. We loaded the chair and pushed it right up against the cab of the pickup. It was a pretty sturdy, heavy chair. I took a good look at it and decided, “It’ll ride”. No big deal, 60 miles, I’ll keep an eye on it and it’ll ride fine. Well, on the way home, one of those Texas Panhandle storms started blowing in! It was well after dark, the wind was blowing at least 5o mph….and the dirt was thick in the air. We were half way home when it happened! That chair, you know….the favorite rockin’ chair, started moving. It went end over end so fast it was unbelievable. It was supposed to fly right out the back end of the pickup.…but, miraculously, it hung up on the tailgate. I looked it over and there wasn’t a scratch on it! Still to this day I don’t know what kept it from going airborne and exploding on the pavement. 

OK, last one; A couple of months ago I loaded 2 of my propane tanks for my grill to get filled up. Put ’em in the back of the pickup. (*I don’t have a tailgate on my pickup.) Only had a half a mile to go. Made the short trip, got out to grab the tanks……I bet you’re already ahead of me in the story. Yep! They’re gone! I turned around ASAP, retraced my route….but no tanks! I did grind my teeth a little on that one!! Cuss words may or may not have been used to express my frustration.

After all these “It’ll Ride” stories I’m beginning to think that maybe I ought to start securing some of those things with a little rope or something. But, you know, that’d take five minutes or so….and rope ain’t cheap! I am starting to doubt myself a little when I look a situation over and declare, “It’ll Ride”!

I really am hoping this is the end of the “It’ll Ride” series!!

How about telling us your own “It’ll Ride” stories? It might make me feel better!

More “It’ll Ride”:

“It’ll  Ride”

“It’ll Ride” – Part 2

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“Measure Twice….., Cut Once!”

/ Andy R Taylor / 2 Comments

You remember Ross Perot, don’t you? He’s that Texas billionaire who made two very respectable presidential runs in the 90’s. He first ran on the Independent Party ticket and the second time as a candidate on the Reform Party ticket. And, even though he didn’t win the election he garnered over nineteen million votes in the 1992 election which amounted to, just under nineteen percent of the popular vote. Not a bad showing for a guy with practically no political experience. Because of his common sense approach he drew supporters from the liberal, conservative and moderate crowd.

Perot was a very confident, ‘no nonsense’ kind of guy. He was a huge proponent of balancing the federal budget, against gun control, and a staunch opposer of the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) which he described by telling listeners to listen for a giant sucking sound because of all the jobs he said would go to Mexico if ratified. He often spoke out against the laziness and incompetence of the D.C. political ‘fat cats’. A quote from 1992: “This city has become a town filled with sound bites, shell games, handlers, media stuntmen who posture, create images, talk, shoot off Roman candles, but don’t ever accomplish anything. We need deeds, not words, in this city.” Sounds like he had a pretty good handle on it!! Makes you wonder if we’d elected him in the 90’s that maybe the ‘swamp’ might’ve already been drained! lol

If you were paying attention to his campaign you’ll remember that he had a, seemingly unlimited, number of flip charts detailing everything from the economy to immigration. He really had his act together. One of the sayings I remember Ross repeating fairly regular was, “Measure twice, cut once”. Good advice no matter what you’re doing. Gives the idea that one should, first calculate, think about it, calculate again…..then move with swift determination. In other words, make dang sure…..then do it!! I like that line of thinking even though I haven’t done too good in making a practice of it.

I thought about that today as I, for the second time in a week, hit the “Publish” button on my WordPress blog page…..by accident. (Grrrrr!) Yep, been doing this for going on three years now and only made the blunder twice. …..and did I say in one week?! I have no less than fifty blogs started. Some are nearly complete, some only have a line or two…and some just have a title. When I feel the urge to work on one of them I may finish it, or just write a paragraph or two and revisit it later. 

The second,….and mistake blog, that published today was titled, “Let’s Put it in Perspective”. Had I published it later, which I intended to do, that wouldn’t have been the title. I work hard to find a ‘catchy’ title. That one wasn’t. It was just the title holding the spot until I arrived at ‘the one’ I liked better. I was 90% done with the blog but had to finish that last 10% in 2 minutes. I hate cuttin’ an important topic short!

I said all that to say, the message in the blog is a very important one. So important, in fact, that I was extremely frustrated when I accidentally published it. It’s one that I really believe you should read. One that I think’ll provoke some good thought and be helpful to anyone who takes the time to read it. If a lot of people don’t read it I may post it again under a different name. So, if you see it again….that’s why.   …..or you could just read it again…..it wouldn’t hurt!

I’m really being careful not to hit the “Publish” button again by accident.

I’m takin’ Ross’s advice: “Measure twice, …and cut once”!

 

“It’ll Ride” – Part 2

/ Andy R Taylor / 2 Comments

It seems to be a chronic ailment of mine. You would think that by now I would’ve learned my lesson. But when I look a situation over…and it looks good to me, why waste a bunch of time to try to make it better. In this case I’m talking about loading something in my pickup and not taking precious time to secure said things with a chain, rope, bungie cord or some other means to keep things from slipping out, falling out….or in some rare cases,….flying out of the back of my pickup. If you haven’t read “It’ll Ride”, (click on the highlighted link) you should do it now. You’ll get the picture!

Ten or twelve years ago when our boys were still involved in junior rodeo, the rodeo finals were held culminating with a huge awards banquet at the end of the season for all the winners. The all-around winners (best in overall multiple events) in each age group received a really nice trophy saddle. Those saddles cost upwards of fifteen hundred dollars and it’s the award that everyone really wants to win. That particular year Clay, our youngest son, won the all-around. Of course we were all excited about that and proud of him. He had worked hard and it was a major accomplishment.

After the awards ceremony I loaded up the horses, half a dozen trophy buckles that had been won in several events….and the saddle that Clay had just been awarded. It was eleven o’clock pm. I had only a twenty mile trip home. The saddle was placed back in the cardboard box that it had been shipped in. The bed of my pickup was full of all kinds of rodeo equipment so I looked the situation over and decided to put the box with the saddle in it on the top of my toolbox. It would be right up against the cab of the pickup so the wind wouldn’t be a factor. I took one good look at it, assessed the situation…..and said to myself, “It’ll ride”!

Driving down the Interstate alone and periodically looking over my shoulder at the ‘precious cargo’ on top of my toolbox, and everything’s fine. The big box with the saddle in it is riding like a charm. (just like I knew it would) I made sure to look back every half minute or so….just to make sure. I looked back and it was there…….but thirty seconds later when I looked back, …….you guessed it, it was gone!!

Oh, sweet Jesus!!! (as I reflect back on that night I’m pretty sure that might not be exactly what I said!! Let’s just leave it at that!)

I hit the brakes like nobody’s bidness! I pulled off onto the shoulder and was out of that pickup in a flash. There’s a dozen eighteen-wheelers (not counting the cars and pickups) going east and west and running at least seventy-five mph. I’m running back down the shoulder of I-40 as hard as I can…..and praying harder than I’ve ever prayed before. (and come to think of it, praying harder than I ever have since, too!!) I just know that one of those trucks has already hit the box with the saddle in it….and I’m imagining in my mind all the ugly things that might happen to a saddle when it gets hit by a semi!! And, on top of that, I’m agonizing about how I’m gonna break the news to the Fam! Can ya’ get the picture??!

I ran at least a quarter of a mile before I saw something in the center median of the 4-lane interstate. I only had the headlights of the trucks going east and west to see. I crossed over to the median and there was the box! I had this thought, “Do I really want to see this?!” It can’t be good! When I got to the box…the saddle was still in it! Between you and me…..I had a little worship service right there! It didn’t last long but it was definitely very vocal…..and heartfelt, if ya’ know what I mean!! lol

I carried the saddle back to the pickup, looked at it under the light…and it didn’t have a scratch on it!

I put it right up there next to me in the front seat, shut the door, locked it good, pulled that saddle over as close to me as I could…..and said,……

“It’ll Ride”!!

*Same rule applies with “It’ll Ride” Part 1; I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t mention this to Julie. She really don’t like to talk about it!

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Anti-Social Media

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

Social media; That’s a term that hasn’t been around forever. My, totally uneducated,  guess is that it started being used somewhere around year 2000. And, now you can’t go a single day without hearing it. I did read today that FaceBook now has one billion, seven hundred million users….and growing by the second! Twitter has over three hundred million and Snapchat currently has over two hundred million users. So, when you consider those staggering numbers, you’d have to surmise that the entire world is pretty much  ‘connected’!

President-Elect Donald Trump seems to be a prolific Twitter user. It’s a rare celebrity that doesn’t post a daily, if not several, ‘tweets’ a day. Facebook users post everything from where they are, what they’re doing to family pics, video clips of virtually every kind, recipes…and the list goes on and on. I like Facebook because it’s made it possible to reconnect with a lot of my friends from the past. It’s also a really good way to communicate important information in real time to the masses. As a church we use it for prayer concerns and notifying our people of events and information. All in all it can be a very good thing, even a valuable tool, if it’s used in a sensible, mature way.

Here’s something to keep in mind, too; one of the first thing employers are now doing when someone applies for a job with their company is to check their social media activity. I’m gonna say that there’s been thousands, so far, who’ve been disqualified for a job after having their social media investigated. Definitely something to think about.

But, there are a few folks that use Facebook and other social media sites to spew out negativity, profanity and drama of every kind. I’ve even seen a few who were threatening someone else with bodily harm. That’s crazy! So, here’s my idea; why doesn’t someone build a site that’s just for the negative stuff!  It could be exclusively devoted to ‘anti-social media’. You could call it Gripebook or you could get even more graphic with the site name, if you know what I mean. And, that way those folks who love to could rant and rave, cuss their ex, make fun of minorities, use foul language, show rude video clips and just anything else that suits their filthy fancy. Then the rest of us wouldn’t have to tolerate that kind of thing so much.

If we’re going to use these sites let’s try to keep it social…..and stay away from that anti-social malarkey!

Check these out:

“Known”

We’re on a ‘Need to Know’ Basis with the Lord!!

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“It’ll Ride”

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

Famous last words from yours’ truly!! I’ve said those words many a time…only to find out that they, somehow, don’t always ring true. I’m a trusting kind of guy, you might say. When I load something on a vehicle it just seems like a waste of time to me to have to secure said items with a chain, rope or bungie cord……. Overkill, is what I’d call it.

One such example was after buying sixty chairs for the church some years ago. Our little group had grown from about ten people to somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty. We needed more room so we knocked a wall out and the chairs would be placed in the new space.

Julie and I went to Sam’s Club in Oklahoma City bought the chairs and loaded them in the back of my pickup. We laid the stacks of chairs on their sides and it was amazing how tight they stuck together. The pickup bed was completely full of brand new chairs. I took a good look at the load and it looked good to me. Julie said, “Don’t you think you should get a rope or something and tie them in?” She worries way too much so I double checked; “Nah, they’ll ride.”

We headed home and it was right square in the middle of rush hour traffic in OKC. But, no big deal. We eased our way out onto the interstate and everything’s fine……….for about two miles! The first chair that flew out the back of the pickup looked like it was spring-loaded and on steroids! It was bouncing three feet in the air….and then ten feet in the air. It hit no less than 3 cars, maybe 5, maybe more; I mean, hit ’em good! The second chair just kinda slid out the back into the bumper-to-bumper traffic….all of which are now maneuvering to give me all the room I need. It finally came to rest right in the middle of three lanes of traffic. I looked back and, I swear, it looked like the Red Sea was parting around that little chair. We’re still surrounded by cars and they’re all giving me that, “You stupid idiot”, look when we make eye contact. Interestingly enough, I look across the seat in the pickup….Julie’s giving me that exact same look! I won’t even get into the generous, heartfelt, animated encouragement that she was giving me at that point! *Just use your imagination!

Well, we made it to the next exit without losing any more chairs. (Thank ‘ya, Jesus!!) I went into the truck stop, bought me a few good rubber bungie cords, strapped them chairs down (strapped ’em down good!!).…and we made it all the way home without any more mishaps.

I wish I could say that this was just an isolated incident…but no such luck. Nope, it’s happened other times, too. I’ll tell you about some of those other times one of these days, soon.

So, just a little ‘heads up; if you’re ever around and you hear me say, “It’ll ride”, stand clear!! Anything could happen! 

P.S.-Don’t even ask Julie about this…….she still doesn’t like to talk about it!

Need another laugh? Click on these:

Avoid the Vending Machine, Microwave, Green Chile Burritos at the Albuquerque Airport  at All Costs!!

It Was A “Test” of Epic Proportions!

Just Some Friendly Advice: Always Approach a Possum With Extreme Caution!!

The Luge….Western Oklahoma Style!

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Maybe You Oughta Think That One Through!

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

I just saw a picture post and quote on FaceBook that was supposedly from a Lieutenant Governor of a, let’s just say, far western state. Now, I didn’t ‘fact-check’ it so it might not have even happened. ‘Cause you know, as old Abe Lincoln said, “You can’t believe everything your read on FaceBook”! And….that is the truth! The quote attributed to him read, “I’d rather be a sitting duck at a mass shooting than have a gun to protect myself.” It does seem kinda ludicrous if it’s true….but who knows?

I’m not trying to make the call whether he said it or not. That’s not at all what this is about. But, I did have a funny thought run through my mind when I read it. If he did…or if someone might say something like that…my first thought is, “Uuuuh, I’m not sure you thought that one through!” It really got me to thinking. There’s so many times that people do things and say things without thinking it through. Man, …..how many times have I done that myself?! We’re often prone to act on the spur of the moment and make decisions totally out of our emotions rather than from logic, reason and common sense. Sometimes those, in the heat of the moment, decisions don’t turn out so well. 

And, really, most of the time it amounts to just thinking your way through the situation. How do you do that? Well, for starters it would help to think of the possible consequences of our actions. How is this going to affect the people I say it to? Will I end up needing to apologize? How am I going to feel if I deeply offend someone. That’s a good start.

James gives some great advice in his New Testament letter, “Be swift to hear, slow to speak…and slow to wrath”. If we’d just try to think our way through some of these situations we might choose a totally different plan of action….and maybe we wouldn’t have near as big a mess to clean up.

Check these out and “Share” ’em if you like ’em!

He Won’t ‘Put More On Ya’ Than You Can Stand

Redirecting!

Talk About a ‘Fixer-Upper’!

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Dysfunction Junction

/ Andy R Taylor / 2 Comments

Do you remember Schoolhouse Rock? It was part of ABC’s Saturday morning children’s programming starting back in ’73. It ran non-stop through 1985 and then was revived in 1993 again with new, and old, episodes until 1999. I remember it being on the tube when our kids were little even though I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention to it. But I think it was a pretty good educational program for little kids. It originated when David McCall, a successful ad agency exec, noticed that his son was having trouble in school. He also noticed that his son could easily remember the words to the current rock songs of that era.  So, he enlisted a few songwriters and started to put multiplication tables to song. Turned out, it was a great way for kids to learn everything from math to English.

One of the songs that I remember hearing on those Saturday mornings was “Conjunction Junction”. Catchy little tune teaching kids what a conjunction is. It’s funny how the tune has stuck with me all these years. I might have trouble explaining what a conjunction is to you…but I do remember some of the words to the song.

For some unknown reason that melody came up in my mind a few weeks back. But, instead of ‘conjunction’, I inserted the word ‘dysfunction’. It’s a word that is dear to me since I operate in a fairly high level of it! LOL. I’ve noticed in my short little tenure of ministry that there’s a lot of dysfunction out there, not counting mine. Some of that dysfunction runs pretty deep and some of it’s just surface level. But it’s there in most all of us. And, it’s just another one of those things that the Lord wants to fix in us.

When we get in some of these stressful tight spots in life our dysfunction is exposed. That’s what I’m gonna start calling the “Dysfunction Junction”. And right there at that point, If we’ll just learn to be sensitive to His Spirit we can begin to overcome that dysfunction that’s had us hamstrung for years! Our lives will be much better….and we won’t be passing that dysfunction on to the next generation!

 I’m glad it ain’t un-fixable! And, I’m grateful that the Lord is patient with us….in all our dysfunction.

You oughta read these, too!

Quit Telling Me What the Problem Is!!

I’m Just the Messenger

“It’s Not Your Job to Fix Them!”

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Labor Day Out on the ‘Ol ‘Lazy J’

/ Andy R Taylor / 11 Comments

Labor Day was instituted to honor the American Labor movement. Oregon was the first state to officially observe it in 1887 and by 1894, when it became a national holiday, thirty other states had adopted it. Not sure what comes to mind for you when Labor Day rolls around but for me, it reminds me of how we observed it on the ranch almost every year without fail.

Most people, if not nearly all, get Labor day off….but not us! Nope, we did “labor” on Labor Day! Cliff Taylor, my Dad, loooooved workin’! And he loved it, even more, when everyone else was working too! A lifelong rancher and cattleman, Dad, made sure that we had something significant (at least from his perspective!) to do on Labor Day. We’ve been gone from the ranch since ’88 but I’m pretty sure we got up earlier and worked harder,…and longer on Labor Day than most every other day! It’s how he celebrated it if you know what I mean!

It seemed that he’d save one of those jobs that you really just ‘didn’t want to do’ for that particular Monday every year. One such example would be when we cleaned out the scales that were used for weighing cattle. The scales were an extremely important fixture on the ranch, in that we sold thousands of head of cattle every year and just about every one of those cattle had to be weighed, coming in….and going out.

For starters, the floor of the scales was lined with bridge timbers; boards about 4 inches thick, a foot and a half wide and about 14 feet long and weighing a couple hundred pounds. We’d remove a couple of them just so we could squeeze down underneath the floor and clean out the ‘knives’ of the scales (a part of the scales that were in each of the four corners, which when they were caked up with dirt and manure didn’t work like they were supposed to and would cause an inerrant weight on the cattle). Keep in mind that Labor Day being the first Monday in September…the weather in the Texas Panhandle can still be scorching hot. Pretend just for a minute that you’re the one doing this. It’s probably about 120 degrees underneath those scales, not one single breath of air to be had. You squeeze down underneath the floor of the scales and head toward one of the four corners with your wire brush to start your work. You’re crawling through thick spider webs….with spiders attached…..some of which I seriously doubt their species has even been discovered yet….and all poisonous, you’re thinkin’! Oh, and did I say you’re using a flashlight to see because it’s pitch black under there?! It’s not a rare thing to encounter centipedes,  a pack-rat or two and even though I never ran headlong into a snake….you just know in the back of your mind, they’re there!

It’s not a quick job by any means, it takes the better part of a half-hour to get the job knocked out, all the while in an uncomfortable position crawling on your belly in powdery dust and dried cow manure. Now, Dad, never bein’ one to half-ass do a job, would coach me from the upside. “Where you goin’?” “I’m going to the other side.” “You ain’t been there long enough ….brush ’em some more.” Finally, when you come up out of there you’re mad,  soakin’ wet, covered in dust, dry manure, and cobwebs and coughing like you have TB! You immediately do a thorough check for spiders that might have ‘hitched’ a ride on you from down under. The last thing to do is to put the boards back on the floor of the scales and they’re good to go for another few years.

That’s just one little example of how we ‘celebrated’ Labor Day out on the ‘ol Lazy J….but, hey, the day’s still young. There’s bound to be some hay to haul, a windmill or some fence that needs fixin’! Happy Labor Day to ‘ya! 

PS – As unpleasant as that job was…I’d give anything if I could get back under there one more time just to hear him coach me from the topside!

“You Are Here”

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

I know you’re familiar with those “You Are Here” signs. In the mall is the most obvious place I see them. I find myself looking at them pretty often when I’m there. I go to the mall occasionally but not often enough to actually know where everything is. I know where a few of the stores I’m interested in are located but there are dozens that I have absolutely no idea where they are. But, really, I don’t have a problem knowing where I am so, for me, the “You Are Here” sign is kind of a moot point. But, if I could find a sign that could tell me where Julie is in the mall…..now that’s something I think I could find extremely useful! But, and I’m talking from years of experience here, I guarantee that if I headed straight to the point where the sign says she is…..she’d be gone by the time I’d get there. Yep, done that too many times to count!

But, seriously, in the course of our lives one of those “You Are Here” signs would come in pretty handy. It’d be helpful for us to realize where we are….especially in relation to where we’re going. I think there are several surefire ways to help us identify exactly where we are. Some of them are pretty revealing and some will undoubtedly expose some of our immaturity, our weaknesses and inconsistencies. But if we’re serious about arriving at a certain destination they can provide some serious personal growth opportunities.

Life is full of ‘tests’; all kinds of them. And if you’re serious about your walk with the Lord there’s going to be a lot of them. It’s important to know that when the Lord tests you it’s not so He can find out where you’re at…..He already knows that. No, the tests are so you can find out for yourself where you are. That’s good information!

At that point we can adjust, refocus (and repent in some cases) and seek His wisdom about our situation and then get lined up again with His plan for our lives. I’m convinced that He likes nothing more than to help us get on track. 

So, look at your life right now. If you’re in the middle of some test, observe how you’re responding to it. More than likely it’s one of those “You Are Here” opportunities!

Some others you might like:

Are You ‘Led’, or Are You ‘Driven’?

Don’t Tie the Ends Up!

Objects in the Mirror are Closer Than They Appear!

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