Humor

“Greatest Misses”

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

I’d love to have titled this one, “Greatest Hits”. But, as a rookie and aspiring writer, I doubt I’ve achieved that status yet. Maybe, someday! In the last year and a half I’ve written nearly three-hundred blogs. That’s not much writing for a ‘real’ writer but for a guy like me it’s fairly significant. I’m a ‘learner’; you’ve read that in my blogs more than a few times. I’ve learned a lot in this little stretch of time….and most of what I’ve learned are the things I’ve learned about myself. I have wanted to write things that would be helpful to others but found that some of those things have helped me, most of all. It just does something when you ‘write down’ your feelings and opinions. I highly recommend it for everyone, it’s therapeutic!

One of the things that’s been interesting are the blogs where I really thought I ‘nailed it’. I think,  as a writer, you kinda know if you got it done…..or not. But some of those that I thought I did my best work on at times happened to be ones that didn’t get read all that much. I get that. I’ve learned that people like stories. And, it’s a nice surprise when one just ‘takes off’ and gets read by three or four hundred people. Then there are a few that were just fun to write and still fun for me to read again. I’ve listed several of my “Greatest Misses” and if you have the time you might check ’em out. I’ve also included a few that still make me smile. Hope you enjoy ’em! If so, “Share” ’em with your people! Thanks for taking the time!

*Click on the highlighted link to read:

Identity Theft

Relational Equity

You Got To Me Too Late

If God Has Your Heart, He Can Get Your Feet Where They Belong!

Retaliate!!

Virtual Reality

Weapons of Mass Construction

God Is My Co-Pilot! ……and therein lies the problem!

That ain’t all the “Greatest Misses”! I’ve got a ton of ’em!

…….and just for fun:

You May Not Know This, But I’m Kind of a Big Deal!

Tee-Ball…..The #1, Undisputed, Very Best Team Sport of ‘Em All!!

There’s Just So Much of This Stuff in Life We’re Gonna Have to Learn the ‘Hard Way’!

2016WordpressSignatureSM2

 

 

The Parable of Pedro Flores

/ Andy R Taylor / 3 Comments

I’m disappointed in ‘ya if you don’t know who Pedro Flores is. I’ll forgive you if you’ll make it right. If you’ve never watched Lonesome Dove you won’t know who he is. For starters, why in the world have you not seen Lonesome Dove??! It’s just about the best movie ever made. For you, who are deprived, it’s a ‘made for TV’ miniseries from Larry McMurtry’s book about two semi-retired Texas Rangers, Captain Augustus ‘Gus’ McRae (Robert Duval), and Captain Woodrow Call (Tommy Lee Jones) and their journey taking several thousand head of cattle to Montana. You won’t be ‘spiritually rounded’ until you’ve seen it a few times. lol I’ve watched it no less than 9 times! So, as you might guess I’m somewhat rounded!

One of my favorite scenes in Lonesome Dove is when Gus, Woodrow and a few of their cohorts cross the border at night for a little fun to remind them of the ‘old days’. The Mexican bandito, Pedro Flores (a familiar foe who’s way up in years by now), often crossed the Texas border to steal horses and cattle. Gus and Woodrow enjoyed the challenge of crossing into Mexico and stealing some of them back from time to time. On this particular night as Pedro Flores was moving a big herd of stolen horses from one place to another Gus, Call and the boys swooped in, surprised the banditos and stole the whole herd of horses and took ’em back to Texas.

That whole scene reminds me of a phenomenon we’re often faced with in our spiritual life. The Bible talks about the fact that we have an ‘adversary’, the devil, who walks about like a roaring lion. It also states that he comes to steal, kill and destroy. He, the devil, will steal anything and everything he can from us. But in all actuality all he has going for him is the fact that we’ll believe his lies. And, just like Gus and Woodrow knew the methods of Pedro Flores…the Bible says that we’re not to be ignorant of the enemy’s devices. We have the ability….and the authority (because of what Jesus did!) to take back what’s been stolen from us, that which is rightfully ours.

So, the next time you realize you’ve been stolen from by the likes of Pedro Flores….do like Gus and Woodrow. Plan a little counter-attack of your own. Your obedience by faith to the will and plan of God for your life will help you recover everything that was taken!

Thus, the parable of Pedro Flores!

2016WordpressSignatureSM2

Have a Nice Day, Lord!

/ Andy R Taylor / 2 Comments

It’s been a real adventure raising 5 kids. We had Clint, our first, only a year into our marriage..and the parental learning process began. Parenting is one of the most challenging and rewarding things you’ll do in your life. We’ve enjoyed every minute of it even though there’s been plenty of things to work through with each of them. I will say, looking back, that the years of raising kids goes by incredibly fast.

We have thousands of great memories from those years. One of those memories is when we started praying before meals. We’d often take turns and let the kids if they were willing, pray a lot of the time. I’ll never forget how one of our boys, who was about three at the time, often prayed. I’d help him get started and then he’d take it from there. He had just a little lisp at the time and his prayer would go something like this: “God, Bleth Mom and Dad, Bleth my brotherth, bleth MeMaw and Papaw….and uh…..have a nithe day, God!” It was about the sweetest prayer you’ve ever heard. I can’t help but think the Lord, Himself, loved the prayer and especially the part where He was told to, “Have a nithe day.” He probably doesn’t hear that too often.

I was thinking about that recently and I made a little Top-10 list of the things that should help the Father to have a ‘nithe’ day: 

  1. Get to know Him….No, I mean, really get to know Him! *He wants to be relational with you. Interact, and relate to Him as Father!
  2. Receive His ‘gift’! *Salvation is free……Receive it!
  3. Find your place/Discover your destiny! *You’ve been gifted so you can be a functional contributor to the Body of Christ. Get in the process of finding out how you’re gifted!
  4. Gravitate into your ‘sonship’! *He has handpicked you to be His son/daughter. Make the most of it….and keep it simple!
  5. Be ‘who’ you are! *There’s no one like you. Don’t try to be anyone else!
  6. Use your faith! *Learn to be led by the Holy Spirit!
  7. Get along! *Be a peacemaker! Dad’s love it when their kids get along!
  8. Get back up! *Everybody gets knocked down….not everybody gets back up!
  9. Be a ‘learner’! *It’s a lifetime endeavor. Make every day a day to learn!
  10. Be ‘free’! Jesus died for us to be free; free from sin…free from the Law! Enjoy your freedom!

Don’t forget…..He’s already extremely proud of you and He wants to see you succeed in every area of your life! And, maybe sometime in your prayer time, you can even tell Him to “Have a nithe day”!

You might like these, too:

Good Ground Grows Good Weeds, Too!

What If It’s Not to ‘Break’ You,….but to ‘Make’ You?

Anyplace With You

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

It was just a couple of weeks ago. I had bought Julie tickets for a Barry Manilow concert. Now, not one thing against Barry Manilow….great songwriter, great artist…..and as it turns out….not a bad performer, either. But, he’s just not up at the top of my list of entertainers that I would pay much to see do a “live” performance. It was the day of the concert and one of the girls she had asked to go with her, couldn’t. Then she called another of her friends who couldn’t go, either. I desperately suggested another person or two. I may, or may not have, even prayed about it! *(okay, I did! “C’mon Lord….help a feller out!) So, then, my number came up! She text me and said, “Well, it looks like it’s you”! I text back, “You think I’ll be the only ‘guy’ there?” She replied, “Probably!”

We had a great drive up to OKC. I always enjoy Julie. But, surprisingly, I found myself enjoying the trip and even anticipating the evening ahead a lot more than I expected. I did, however, leave my ‘man card’ in the car for fear that they’d frisk me at the door and confiscate it from me. But, seriously, I had this thought, “You know, ….anywhere with Julie…..is better than anywhere else, without her.” I’m not trying to be ‘gushy’ but it’s really true when I think about it. Well, the concert was a lot better than I anticipated. I did actually enjoy it! *Keep that to yourself if you don’t mind!

I think I also learned a ‘spiritual lesson’ from that trip. When you step back and think about the bigger picture….it’s actually true in our relationship with the Father, too. It’s inevitable, we’re going to go through a lot of tough circumstances in life. No one’s immune. At this stage of life it seems like a ‘no-brainer’ to me; Given the choice, I’d easily choose to be going through the hardest thing in life than to be sitting in the ‘lap of luxury’ without Him!

“Anyplace (or any situation in life, no matter how hard,unpleasant or painful it might be) with Him……is better than any other place without Him!” 

 

Disclaimer: Now, for those wondering, …..I do have my limits. I did skip the Luke Bryan concert due to another self-scheduled root canal (same with Jason Aldean, Rascal Flatts, Florida Georgia Line and a few others). I’m tellin’ ya’, it’s hard to get a dentist to do a root canal on a Saturday night,…especially on a tooth that doesn’t need it!

Check these out….and pass ’em along to your friends:

God Moves Through ‘Influence’ ……. Not ‘Control’!

There’s Just So Much of This Stuff in Life We’re Gonna Have to Learn the ‘Hard Way’!

2016WordpressSignatureSM

 

Them Swallows Can’t Return to Capistrano Soon Enough For Me!

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

It’s a miracle they say. Every year on March 19th these little birds return to the Mission at San Juan Capistrano in Orange County in California. They make an amazing flight from Argentina just like clockwork every year arriving on March 19. And then…..right on schedule on October 23 they circle the mission a time or two and head right on back to Argentina again. People from all over the world make their way to the old Mission to see the swallows make their arrival.

I’ve had a little bit of experience with those swallows myself. None of it has been very pleasant on my end. And for the life of me I can’t see why making a big deal of them returning to the Mission in California is anything to celebrate about. My first experience with these little feathered friends (trying to be nice!) was when we were living on the ranch in Texas. They’d start showing up a few at at time, then a dozen or two….and before you know it there were a few hundred of them. They’d gather mud and start to build their nests around the eve of our house. Like I said, “Nothing to celebrate about”. 

I’d knock their nests down with a broom handle and a few times I’d spray the water hose on the nests to try to get rid of them. But they are persistent little varmints. They’d be back the next day…and apparently bring some of their friends with them. The harder I tried to get rid of them, the more of them that showed up! It was kinda like Bill Murray on Caddyshack trying to get rid of those gophers!

But my worst experience came years later. We started Trinity Fellowship in people’s homes to begin with, then in a little building right south of downtown When we got up to about 25 people we moved onto the property where we’ve been ever since. Our original church building there was originally the country club. It was an older building probably built in the 50’s. One spring those %*#@ swallows we were talking about started showing up and building their nests under the eve. And, that’s not the worst of it; they’d start their obnoxious, …..and very loud, chattering right in the middle of our church service! It was extremely distracting……for everyone. I tolerated that for a couple of weeks and decided I was going to do something about it!

I didn’t have a ladder to reach the nests from the outside but I could, with the help of a straightened out clothes hanger and a chair to stand on, poke through from the inside and mess up their little nests. (I may,….or may not, have cussed a little bit during this process!) When I poked that clothes hanger through to their nests I could tell they were really disturbed about it. I was doing some good! I totally destroyed a couple of the nests. But before I could step down from the chair I was literally itching all over. Now, I don’t know what you know about mites……but they’re not to be messed with! This was my first (and hopefully my last!) experience with ’em! They’re so tiny you can hardly see them; lots smaller than a flea! The itching was terrible; not kiddin’! I headed straight home, took a shower. Still itching! Took another shower, not much let-up!

That all happened on Saturday evening. I was up at daylight on Sunday morning, took a jug of insect spray back out there and hosed down the whole area…..a few times. I thought that should do it. About thirty minutes into the church service that morning I started noticing that everyone sitting on the south side of the isle was scratching! Pretty soon they were all scratching, ……and pretty vigorously too! Yep, you guessed it, the mites were in attack mode!

I don’t remember what I preached about that Sunday….but I do remember I cut it really, really short! We kept that little secret to ourselves for years. So, if you were there and remember scratching like crazy…..it was the mites……from the swallows!

So, anytime I hear anything about those swallows returning to Capistrano….I think, “Good riddance”! They can’t return to Capistrano soon enough for me!

Check these out:

The ‘Baddest’ Dang Turkey in Arkansas!

Just Some Friendly Advice: Always Approach a Possum With Extreme Caution!!

2016WordpressSignatureSM

 

“Shoot in Here Amongst Us!!”

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

Have you ever heard that phrase before? It was made famous by a, now deceased, comedian by the name of Jerry Clower. If you’re not familiar with him, you ought to check him out. His country brand of humor is, ‘off the charts’, hilarious! I had the opportunity to meet Jerry Clower back in my rodeo days. It was at a rodeo in Athens, Georgia in the ’70’s and Jerry was the featured entertainer that night. He was standing in the alley-way leading to the arena ready to be introduced. Several of us bull riders were also in the alley-way as our event was soon after his performance. I had heard nearly all his 8-tracks (you young ‘uns ever heard of 8-tracks??! lol) and loved every one of them. My uncle, Jack, was friends with Jerry….who by then was a professing Christian. So, I took the opportunity to walk up and introduce myself to him. He was a huge guy; probably weighing in at the 300+ pound range….and wearing a bright red suit and tie. I told him my name…and that Jack Taylor was my uncle. He said, “You mean, Jack Taylor, the preacher!??” I answered, “Yep”. He let out one of his trademark squalls…., “Waaaaaaw, …….and a good ‘un, too!!” His show that night didn’t disappoint…It was great!

I won’t spoil the story of where the title phrase came from by trying to tell it myself; I couldn’t do it justice. But you should click here and listen to, “Knock Him Out, John”!! (you won’t appreciate this blog until you listen to it) I guarantee you’ll want to listen to a bunch more if you’ll listen to this one!

But that phrase has stuck with me since I first heard that story back in about ’72. I think of it often when going through some kind of serious trial of life. It always brings me to a better place. I guess it’s the sheer humor of it all. *Listen to the story…..and the next time you find yourself in a quandary…..try letting’ out one o’ them Jerry Clower squalls and then yell, “Just shoot in here amongst us…..one of us got to have some relief!!”

If you like humor…here’s a few ‘real life’ stories you’ll enjoy:

The ‘Baddest’ Dang Turkey in Arkansas!

“The Best Straw Hat I Ever Had!”

The Day I Almost Sang “The Old Rugged Cross”!!

The Luge….Western Oklahoma Style!

Gem City, Texas…….and the Prayer That Should’ve Never Been!

2016WordpressSignatureSM

The Luge….Western Oklahoma Style!

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

You’ve surely seen the luge competition on the Winter Olympic TV telecasts. I’m not a huge luge (little poetry for ‘ya, there!) fan. If you’ve seen one run you’ve kind of seen them all. I mean, I can appreciate someone riding on a little sled down a solid ice course at 80 mph…but a little goes a long way for me. It’s sure nothing I’d sign up for!

But I had me a little luge-like experience a few years ago and it did give me a little impromptu glimpse into what those lugers might experience. Here’s how it wend down: We have a good sized family; there was Julie and me and five littler Taylors’ (all of ’em grown up now). When you have a family that size it takes a lot of effort around the house to get it all done and keep the house in presentable condition, if you know what I mean. Well, one instance to prove the point was when Julie applied a good sized dose of tub and tile cleaner in our bathtub. She did give me a ‘heads-up’ that she’d done it and asked me to use a small towel to spread it around when I got in the shower, and then rinse it on out when I was done. No big deal, right?! Anything to help out.

Well, it was another hour when I got into the shower….and the last thing I was thinking about was the tub and tile cleaner. I stepped in the shower just like always and as soon as I got my last foot in the floor of the tub….the luge ride was ON! Really ON!! Who knew that this stuff would cause the tub to be slicker than glass?! I mean a lot slicker!! I was DOWN in less than a blink of the eye and it was up one side of the tub then down the other! And the more I tried to get my feet in under me….the faster I went! I was banging my head, my elbows, my knees….and anything protruding on the rock-hard surface of the tub. All you could hear was a bunch of banging around and porcelain squeaking! (I now know why all pro lugers wear a helmet!) Keep in mind, this was all taking place in a 2′ x 5′ area! I don’t know how long this lasted….but it seemed like forever. I finally got ahold of the shower curtain and rolled up into a little ball and tried to relax! The ride finally ended. (Thank you, Sweet Jesus!) With the help of the shower curtain I managed to get to my feet, ever so carefully. I looked down at my feet and all ten toes were spread out as far as humanly possible…..as if trying to get a little more traction! I safely got out of the shower, still breathing hard, and seriously considered kissing the bathroom floor!

Since that day I always watch that first step into the shower. I don’t even have to try…it just seems to come natural! And when the Winter Olympics come around again I might or might not watch a little of the luge competition. But I will say I have a whole new, profound appreciation of what they’re doing!

P.S.-You might have to ask the Lord to help erase those images from your mind!

2016WordpressSignatureSM2

“The Way I See It” #200!

/ Andy R Taylor / 3 Comments

Yesterday was another milestone for me as a writer. My post, Weapons of Mass Construction, was the #200th one! That’s 200 since January 1 of this year. Sure seems like a lot when you look back from here. I’ve learned a lot of things by writing on a regular basis, not the least of which is that writing seems to help me figure me out. There’s something about writing down your thoughts that seems to be good for a soul. I’d recommend it for anyone…and I can tell you that the hardest part is to just get started. It took me a few years to write the first one.

I’ll say again that my main reason for writing is to help. Some of the posts are serious, some are funny but all of them are written from a perspective of a life that the Father has blessed immeasurably! My deepest hope is that something you’ve read has helped you to simplify your relationship with Him, and maybe get a glimpse of the Creator of the Universe Who I think modern religion may have grossly misrepresented. He’s better and more gracious than religion has portrayed Him to be…but you won’t find the full truth of that until you’re connecting relationally with Him. 

I appreciate your taking the time to read the posts. I look at every name that clicks the “Like” button. I especially appreciate your verbal feedback. I think it helps me to get better at what I’m doing. If you think they’re valuable in some way I’d appreciate you ‘passing the word’. Every time you click the “Share” button you make it available to an entire new, broader audience.

If  you’re new to the blog….take some time to go back through the “Archives” and play a little ‘catch up’. Best case scenario, go to the site, click the “Follow” button. You’ll get an email every time I make a post.

The posts that have garnered the most “Views” (nearly 41,000 total!) are not necessary my favorite ones. Below, I have listed my Top-5 Favorite Posts. Give ’em a read and let me know which have been your favorites, or ones that have really ‘spoken’ to you. Thanks a bunch!

You May Not Know This, But I’m  Kind of a Big Deal!

I’ve Never ‘Led’ Anyone to the Lord……and I Ain’t Planning on Doing it Anytime Soon!

You’ve Gotta Quit Calling Yourself a “Sinner”!

Quit Telling Me What The Problem Is!!

All I Know Is, God Loved John Very, Very Much!

WordpressSignature2015b

God Is My Co-Pilot! ……and therein lies the problem!

/ Andy R Taylor / Leave a comment

I started seeing that bumper-sticker when I was a kid, and I still see it every now and then….and it still makes me laugh. Oh, I get what they were trying to say and at a distance it sounds like a totally sensible and wholesome thing to do. I can relate to the whole “Co-Pilot” thing a little bit. In fact there was probably a time in my own life that I thought, Him being my co-pilot would be a very legitimate, and smart thing to do. I mean, if you haven’t had Him along at all….putting Him in the passenger seat would definitely be better than nothing at all. But when you think about it, it really doesn’t make much sense at all. In fact,….and especially if you’re thinking long-term, if He’s your Co-Pilot….it might just explain why things aren’t going so well!

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say…..If you actually created the  Universe…by just ‘speaking it into being’, like He did, then you shouldn’t have to sit in the ‘second seat’ for anybody…..anytime! And seriously….right here’s where the problem exists. We think we can bring the Lord along with us, and into the situations and events in our lives and everything should be OK. But in all actuality….He should be the One piloting ‘this thing’ (your life!). You and I are really not qualified to run our own lives….and if we’re smart we’ve already figured that out. And, why would we?? He is the ‘Author and Finisher’ of our faith; He knows the beginning from the end; He’s the Alpha and Omega. And……..He knows so much more about us…and our lives than we do.

So, all I’m saying is, we need to change seats! Let’s let Him get in the Pilot seat where He belongs and let’s, you and I, just scoot on over and be content to ride ‘shotgun’!

If you liked this….you’ll like this one too!

*click on the highlighted link to read

“Go to God First”

IMG_0785

WordpressSignature2015b

 

VIP’s #10 – Cliff & Charlene Taylor

/ Andy R Taylor / 7 Comments

Obviously my VIP Blogs are not listed in any order of importance. If they were these two would be right up there toward the top of the list. Cliff and Charlene….that’s my Mom & Dad. I wish you all knew them. They’re two of the most incredible people you could ever meet. They’re now in their 80’s and live only a few blocks from us. I like that. I’ll go there at least a few times a week and have coffee and visit with them. They amaze me in that they’re still telling me stories that I’ve never heard before….and they can do it with nearly total recall.

Now seems like a proper time to write them up as VIPs since just about three days ago they celebrated their 66th Anniversary! Pretty amazing when you think about it. That’s setting the bar up there pretty high for the rest of us Taylors’. Good job, Mom & Dad! There’s no way I could come close to telling all the good qualities they have…and the good qualities they’ve passed along to Mont and I. It’d take a good sized book to get that done. But for the sake of time and space, I’ll try to give you a little insight on ‘who’ they are.

They have been the hardest working pair I’ve ever seen. Dad has always been a cattleman so we learned at a very young age to handle cattle and horses with the best of ’em. Dad had Mont and I doing things that most men couldn’t do when we were just little kids. We learned how to do it right. When I was 12 I started riding colts for other people for pay. I did that successfully, at least at some level, for the next 25+ years. Most of our  lives were spent on a ranch. It was a great life. Besides handling every aspect of the cattle business (receiving, shipping, gathering, doctoring, buying and selling) we learned to build fence, repair windmills and water gaps and about every other thing you need to do to run a ranch the right way.

Mom was the best! I can remember as a little kid, her pulling broomcorn to help make ends meet. She’d come home tired, dirty and worn out but always managed to get us one heck of a supper cooked, without fail. Later on in our rodeo days there were many times we’d roll into the ranch in the middle of the night with a carload of buddies. She’d get up even if it was 2 am and cook us up some chicken fried steak, french fries and gravy. There are retired rodeo guys all over the United States and Canada who spent time at our house and who have the greatest amount of respect for my Mom & Dad. Oh, and incidentally, when we’d come in to the ranch in the middle of the night and have that great meal….Dad was always gracious to let us sleep in ’til 5:30 or 6 in the morning before we started whatever project he had planned for the day…….and there was always a project! Most serious ranchers work their cattle according to the Zodiac signs. Dad always said that when there were a couple of carloads of rodeo friends at the ranch……that the ‘signs’ were right!

They sacrificed, and went without, to haul us to junior rodeos all over Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas. They gave us a ‘leg up’ that way and enabled us to have a successful career in professional rodeo. We were both inducted into the Texas Rodeo Cowboy Hall of Fame in 2008. And in our acceptance speeches we made sure that they got the credit they deserved. In all actuality……they’re the ones who should’ve been inducted.

I could go on and on with those kinds of things but they gave us far more important things than teaching us cattle and ranch work. In my 62 years I haven’t seen them do one person wrong. I have seen them wronged plenty of times but they always handled it with class. They’ve lived their lives with the highest degree of integrity. Their ‘word’ has been their bond in the truest sense of the term. We didn’t go to church but they somehow instilled in us that God was ‘real’.…..and that He was good!

All those things are important but the most important thing of all is that we were loved……in word…..and in deed. We let them down plenty of times with some of the dumb stuff we did….but they hung in there with us, always having our back and always believing in us, and never, ever wavering in their love.

In the final analysis I’d say if, when it’s all over, if I’ve been half as good a person as they have been…..I’ll have done pretty decent.

Cliff & Charlene Taylor, VIP’s to anyone who’s had the good fortune of knowing them!

WordpressSignature2015b