There’s a phenomenon, I guess you’d call it, that I’ve observed down through the years. And it seems to have it’s effect just about every time….on whoever it’s applied on, or practiced with. It’s the thing of giving honor, or not giving honor, to someone. The conventional way of thinking is that when someone does something noble or noteworthy that we then honor them for their behavior. Makes sense from a logical standpoint. But, I’ve also seen that when we honor someone above their achievements that they nearly always without fail…..rise to a higher level of behavior, or performance. There’s plenty of people who would argue with that line of thinking but you can’t argue with real, genuine results! And again…..you get positive results nearly every time you do it. It seems to work in whatever venue it’s exercised in, whether in your own family, the workplace, the church, friendships or even with just casual relationships.
It works! But, the opposite side of the coin always seems to work, too (‘or not work’, might be a better description!) . When we don’t give that honor…..or when we ignore the actions of those that we interact with, or have a low opinion of them…..they will nearly always lower their behavior to that level, as well. It just does something to a person’s self-esteem. You can probably think about the times that you’ve been honored, ……or dishonored, maybe even overlooked and remember how it made you feel. I think something very profound happens when we give honor…..even before it’s earned.
I’ve said many times that in, being a pastor, it’s a lot more important for me to teach people ‘who they are’, than to teach them ‘what to do’. For me it’s obvious; when people begin to understand ‘who’ they really are (from God’s perspective)…..that’s when the behavior begins to really change….and it’s always a change for the better! He’s put an extremely high value on you, even called you His own sons and daughters. That makes me want to live up to my true identity!
People have a tendency to live up (or down) to the opinion you have of them.
If You Love Someone….You Should Tell Them!
It Feels Good To Be “Believed In”!!
YES! We learned this at my house a couple years ago although I’ll confess it took me much longer to apply it outside my family.
My son had gone through brain surgery which caused some of his fellow second graders to innocently ask, “are you missing part of your brain now? ” This idea got stuck. By the time he was halfway through his third grade year he’d become convinced that he was literally missing the parts of his brain that made him smart. Every single time he’d struggle it would be connected to this failing he’d literally imagined.
I sat him down and told him he needed an amazing nickname. That I was tired of “loser” “slow” and “not smart”.
He picked, EPIC.
I promptly wrote it on everything. His backpack, lunchbox, underwear, etc… He became EPIC that day.
He finished 3rd grade with a semester of all A’s seemly out of nowhere.
Today he’s a sixth grader. His teacher stopped me in the hall to tell me he’s so bright, talented, logical but with creative out of the box thinking. Encouraging his classmates and turning in amazingly detailed projects. (I promise she said these things unprompted by me. I was thinking – you mean the kid who can’t separate his laundry? My kid? )
All because we’d raised his perceived value.
Really enjoyed your post. Enjoyed the memory it sparked. Enjoyed the truths hidden and revealed. Thanks.
Great story, Ruth! Way to ‘stay the course’!! It truly does make a difference!