I’m a little put out! Turkeys, yeah you know…the big goofy lookin’ bird, are beginning to get a little big for their britches, if you know what I mean. They’re really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t mind a slice or two of turkey around Thanksgiving. It’s not necessarily my meat of choice on that holiday, or any other for that matter, but I’ll do it if I have to. If I’m forced to eat it I’ll go for the deep fried, cajun version.
But, the last few years turkeys have been branching out into new areas and I think it’s a huge mistake on their part. I’m sure you’ve noticed turkey jerky. Now that’s plumb out of character for a turkey. He shouldn’t be doing that at all. Then there’s turkey chili! Are you kidding me??!! Absurd! No way should a turkey be attempting to be the main ingredient in a fine dining dish like chili! It ain’t right! But the worst offense of all is now they’re doing turkey bacon. That’s downright un-American! I had a friend visiting here awhile back from back east. We went to a popular breakfast spot and when it was his time to order he asked if they had turkey bacon. The waitress looked at him thinkin’ he must’ve been joking….but he wasn’t. I cut through the awkward haze by saying, “He ain’t from around here!”.
Now, here’s the way it oughta be. Turkeys, listen up! You need to stick with Thanksgiving. We’re giving you that. But, jerky…..NO! That’s something that’s way better left to deer and beef. Cattle know what they’re doing when it comes to jerky…so just leave ’em alone and do your own thing. And, chili, ……..c’mon now. You know that ain’t in your job description. Nobody in their right mind’s gonna opt in for turkey chili. It don’t even sound good.
Now, let’s get this straight once and for all; You back off and leave the bacon alone! That’s a specialty that’s best left to the hogs. Hogs were made for bacon. I mean, you don’t see them trying to push bacon on folks for Thanksgiving, do you? Right! You can brag all you want about turkey being a more healthy choice but it ain’t working. There’s just some things real people ain’t wiling to compromise….and bacon’s one of ’em! Besides there’s no way that turkey bacon can put a sheen on your hair like the real thing!
So, turkeys, ….just tend to your own business; stay in your lane. And, quit trying to do things that are way out of your pay grade!
Do that…..and we’ll get along just fine!
Just for laughs: