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Tag Archives: Humor

So Easy A Caveman Can Do It

Remember the Geico commercials? The storyline involved a couple of cavemen who lived in modern society. The point was that using Geico’s website was “so easy a caveman could do it”, indicated that being a caveman didn’t require all that much intelligence. Their response that they were being discriminated against, or at the very least had their feelings hurt, drew a lot of attention and got a lot of mileage for Geico.

I think a lot of times we make our Christian life a whole lot harder than it ought to be. I’m not saying life can’t be hard; it can! But, just the fact that we’re believers should simplify it in a very profound way. Think about it this way; There should never be a time or situation in our life where we don’t know what to do. We have the Holy Spirit living in us to show us the way at every turn. The Bible even says about us, “we have the mind of Christ”! We have the awesome assurance that when we leave this life we’re immediately in heaven. Our eternal security is sealed! That should relieve us of a lot of unfounded worry! And, instead of having the daunting task of, somehow, trying to plan out our own life….He’s even already done that for us. We must, however, be ‘connected’ to Him to find out all the details of that plan. But….He doesn’t make that hard. He’s even promised to never leave us nor forsake us; that in itself should make even the most harsh situations easier to endure.

But, undoubtedly, the most important thing of all is that God is a Father. It’s a relationship that anyone can understand. He desperately desires to interact with us on a personal basis. He’s done everything possible to make that a reality for us. All we have to do is to engage…..and immediately begin to enjoy the benefits.

You’ve heard the term, “It’s complicated”, right?

Well, this isn’t complicated. In fact, “it’s so easy even a caveman can do it”!!

Check this one:

It’s Complicated

 

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Organ Donors

I donated a piano to a church once; does that count? I really did but that’s not why I decided to write this. I was sitting with three other very close friends a day or two ago and the topic came up. I said, “I’m an organ donor, are y’all?”. It was unanimous in the room of the four of us. We had all, somewhere down the line, decided that when something serious happened to us they (whoever ‘they’ are) could use any of our body parts that they’d choose for someone else needing such things. My first thought was, “that’s a pretty noble thing to do; downright honorable if you ask me”.

I thought that for just a few seconds before sheer reality set in. I looked at the other three guys in the room and considered myself as well. Then I got to thinkin’…..”exactly what body part would anyone possibly need that we had?” I mean, if you consider that the oldest of our little group is around seventy…and the youngest sixty-one there just ain’t much left that anyone would really need. Case in point: I’ve got two bad knees, one hip replacement, shoulders that have been overused and abused, one ankle that’ll roll without a warning, a toenail that’s trying to come off due to a bull stepping on it….twice, years ago. Julie says I’m gettin’ hard of hearin’, at least that’s what I think she said. But, I guess when you get right down to it my nose works great. (I can smell meat on the grill from a quarter mile away!) And my eyes are decent….but they’d need to throw my glasses in on the deal if they wanted to get much use out of them. I seem to be really, really healthy around the middle….but who needs that?!

And the other guys; well one’s got a shoulder that’s messed plumb up, another got his pelvis busted in several places, and the healthiest one’s got a nagging sound in his ear that just about drives him crazy. But, by gosh, we’re organ donors! Kinda makes me wonder if we’re really doing anybody any favors! All I can say is, if anyone needs anything we’ve got…..they’re in really, really bad shape!

But, what if our heart (no, not the one that’s still beating in our chest!), you know…our attitude toward God, and people and just life in general, is something that could be reproduced in the people around us? What if the way we handled criticism, adversity or grief was something that someone else could use? What if we took the hardships in life and because of our ‘heart’ we didn’t lose our sense of humor and, somehow, turned those things into victories? What if we hung onto the Lord when we didn’t think we had anything else to hang onto, and our lives actually made a difference? What if??

If you consider those things maybe we actually do have a chance in someone using something of us that’ll make their life better.

 

*Check out John Prine’s song here. He may have it all figured out!

 

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Turkeys Just Need to Tend to Their Own Business!

I’m a little put out! Turkeys, yeah you know…the big goofy lookin’ bird, are beginning to get a little big for their britches, if you know what I mean. They’re really starting to get on my nerves. I don’t mind a slice or two of turkey around Thanksgiving. It’s not necessarily my meat of choice on that holiday, or any other for that matter, but I’ll do it if I have to. If I’m forced to eat it I’ll go for the deep fried, cajun version.

But, the last few years turkeys have been branching out into new areas and I think it’s a huge mistake on their part. I’m sure you’ve noticed turkey jerky. Now that’s plumb out of character for a turkey. He shouldn’t be doing that at all. Then there’s turkey chili! Are you kidding me??!! Absurd! No way should a turkey be attempting to be the main ingredient in a fine dining dish like chili! It ain’t right! But the worst offense of all is now they’re doing turkey bacon. That’s downright un-American! I had a friend visiting here awhile back from back east. We went to a popular breakfast spot and when it was his time to order he asked if they had turkey bacon. The waitress looked at him thinkin’ he must’ve been joking….but he wasn’t. I cut through the awkward haze by saying, “He ain’t from around here!”.

Now, here’s the way it oughta be. Turkeys, listen up! You need to stick with Thanksgiving. We’re giving you that. But, jerky…..NO! That’s something that’s way better left to deer and beef. Cattle know what they’re doing when it comes to jerky…so just leave ’em alone and do your own thing. And, chili, ……..c’mon now. You know that ain’t in your job description. Nobody in their right mind’s gonna opt in for turkey chili. It don’t even sound good.

Now, let’s get this straight once and for all; You back off and leave the bacon alone! That’s a specialty that’s best left to the hogs. Hogs were made for bacon. I mean, you don’t see them trying to push bacon on folks for Thanksgiving, do you? Right! You can brag all you want about turkey being a more healthy choice but it ain’t working. There’s just some things real people ain’t wiling to compromise….and bacon’s one of ’em! Besides there’s no way that turkey bacon can put a sheen on your hair like the real thing!

So, turkeys, ….just tend to your own business; stay in your lane. And, quit trying to do things that are way out of your pay grade!

Do that…..and we’ll get along just fine!

 

Just for laughs:

The ‘Baddest’ Dang Turkey in Arkansas!

The Luge….Western Oklahoma Style!

 
 

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Sacrifice Cats? Why, Yes…..Yes We Do!

When we started Trinity Fellowship back in 1989 there were less than ten of us. We didn’t know much but we were sure we’d heard the Lord. Those early years were extremely challenging (as have been the rest of ’em! lol), but really rewarding too. Looking back, those were some great years. The little group of people we started with were growing in the Lord….and we were growing in how to lead them. We were literally in the ‘school of the Spirit’! Being the only non-denominational church in town we had to grow through what I call, “the snake handlers syndrome”. Because you’re different there’s a lot of talk….and much of it was negative talk. They don’t know what you’re doing….but because it’s different it has to be wrong. We were looked down on by the other leaders and churches in town and often ignored, made fun of and treated with disrespect. That all served to make us that much more determined to hear the Lord and be obedient to what we believed He was saying to us.

One particular case in point was when one of the ladies in our group came to me somewhat distressed. She said that another person asked her at the beauty shop if it was true that we sacrificed cats, …….if you can believe that! I asked the lady from our group what she told them, to which she replied, “I told her….NO! ….absolutely not!!” I said, “Well, you go right back down there and tell ‘em that we do sacrifice cats!” She had a surprised and puzzled look on her face. I said, “But be sure and tell ‘em there’s nothing religious about it……we just don’t like cats!” I don’t think she told ‘em!! LOL I do think we had quite a few visitors who came just out of curiosity!

But, seriously, there’s not one thing that cleanses a feller’s soul quite like a good ‘ol cat sacrificin’!

*(Easy cat lovers….I’m just kidding!)

More humor:

“It’ll Ride”

Them Swallows Can’t Return to Capistrano Soon Enough For Me!

Just Some Friendly Advice: Always Approach a Possum With Extreme Caution!!

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That Crazy Little Thing Called Love

Today’s the day that we are reminded to observe the strongest of all the emotions, love. There’ll be literally millions of dollars spent today on roses (actually lots of other varieties of flowers, too, since the roses often sell out!), candy, cards and all kinds of other things to show our love to our people. I think it’s a good thing even though, just about like every other holiday now, it’s grown to be so commercial that it’s almost gotten out of hand. Retailers gotta love Valentine’s Day. Men are apt to lose all contact with reality when it comes to this day. We’re not the best shoppers in the world, if you know what I mean! But, it doesn’t take a ‘rocket surgeon’ to make a call and buy some roses. Problem is most of us will wait ’til the day Of……and they’re all out of the dang roses! *Don’t ask me how I know this stuff! Then it’s normal to go into total crisis mode. Instead of buying roses we’ll go and try to find some flowers of some kind only to find that they’re picked over too. So, next step is to ‘double-up’ on the big read box full of chocolates. We get the biggest one we can find, you know to make up for not gettin’ any roses. Then it’s over to the card isle to get a nice romantic card. That card isle, Heads Up!!, ……there ain’t nothing like it I’ve ever seen before. It’s the scariest sight you’ll see for awhile! There’s fifty men reachin’ and grabbin’ for a card….any card. I mean, it’s like a bunch of buzzards on roadkill. They all have a distressed, uneasy look on their face. I find it interesting that there’s not one single woman in the card area, not one! I’m guessing they might’ve done a little early shopping; just a guess. So, if you’re lucky you might find a card; gotta be real lucky to find an envelope that goes with it….but who knows, you might! (pink card with a red envelope; she’ll never notice!) It’s not unusual for a guy to try to find something else to buy for his girl…you know, ’cause he didn’t get the roses. So, all in all, it usually works out pretty good for the wife or the girlfriend. And us guys…we usually manage to bail ourselves out, somehow.

But it’s all done in the name of *“That Crazy Little Thing Called Love”!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! ……..and good luck shoppin’ guys!

PS-If that reminded you of a story, feel free to let us in on it. It’ll make us all feel better!

*If you click on the highlighted link you can watch Dwight Yoakum sing the song. Nobody really does that song like Freddy Mercury but that video was a little too racy for my likin’!

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“It’ll Ride” Part 3

I know you’ve been waiting for the next one. LOL I think I may be getting down to the last ones now. I’m trying to minimize the “It’ll Ride” incidents the best I can. It’s kind of a chronic problem. If my guess is right there’s a few others out there who have a story or two of their own. 

Years ago when we were living on the ranch my Mom had sent one of her favorite  rocking chairs to the upholsterer in Pampa, Texas. It was on the Wednesday right before Thanksgiving and she sent me there to pick up the chair. We loaded the chair and pushed it right up against the cab of the pickup. It was a pretty sturdy, heavy chair. I took a good look at it and decided, “It’ll ride”. No big deal, 60 miles, I’ll keep an eye on it and it’ll ride fine. Well, on the way home, one of those Texas Panhandle storms started blowing in! It was well after dark, the wind was blowing at least 5o mph….and the dirt was thick in the air. We were half way home when it happened! That chair, you know….the favorite rockin’ chair, started moving. It went end over end so fast it was unbelievable. It was supposed to fly right out the back end of the pickup.…but, miraculously, it hung up on the tailgate. I looked it over and there wasn’t a scratch on it! Still to this day I don’t know what kept it from going airborne and exploding on the pavement. 

OK, last one; A couple of months ago I loaded 2 of my propane tanks for my grill to get filled up. Put ’em in the back of the pickup. (*I don’t have a tailgate on my pickup.) Only had a half a mile to go. Made the short trip, got out to grab the tanks……I bet you’re already ahead of me in the story. Yep! They’re gone! I turned around ASAP, retraced my route….but no tanks! I did grind my teeth a little on that one!! Cuss words may or may not have been used to express my frustration.

After all these “It’ll Ride” stories I’m beginning to think that maybe I ought to start securing some of those things with a little rope or something. But, you know, that’d take five minutes or so….and rope ain’t cheap! I am starting to doubt myself a little when I look a situation over and declare, “It’ll Ride”!

I really am hoping this is the end of the “It’ll Ride” series!!

How about telling us your own “It’ll Ride” stories? It might make me feel better!

More “It’ll Ride”:

“It’ll  Ride”

“It’ll Ride” – Part 2

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“Measure Twice….., Cut Once!”

You remember Ross Perot, don’t you? He’s that Texas billionaire who made two very respectable presidential runs in the 90’s. He first ran on the Independent Party ticket and the second time as a candidate on the Reform Party ticket. And, even though he didn’t win the election he garnered over nineteen million votes in the 1992 election which amounted to, just under nineteen percent of the popular vote. Not a bad showing for a guy with practically no political experience. Because of his common sense approach he drew supporters from the liberal, conservative and moderate crowd.

Perot was a very confident, ‘no nonsense’ kind of guy. He was a huge proponent of balancing the federal budget, against gun control, and a staunch opposer of the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) which he described by telling listeners to listen for a giant sucking sound because of all the jobs he said would go to Mexico if ratified. He often spoke out against the laziness and incompetence of the D.C. political ‘fat cats’. A quote from 1992: “This city has become a town filled with sound bites, shell games, handlers, media stuntmen who posture, create images, talk, shoot off Roman candles, but don’t ever accomplish anything. We need deeds, not words, in this city.” Sounds like he had a pretty good handle on it!! Makes you wonder if we’d elected him in the 90’s that maybe the ‘swamp’ might’ve already been drained! lol

If you were paying attention to his campaign you’ll remember that he had a, seemingly unlimited, number of flip charts detailing everything from the economy to immigration. He really had his act together. One of the sayings I remember Ross repeating fairly regular was, “Measure twice, cut once”. Good advice no matter what you’re doing. Gives the idea that one should, first calculate, think about it, calculate again…..then move with swift determination. In other words, make dang sure…..then do it!! I like that line of thinking even though I haven’t done too good in making a practice of it.

I thought about that today as I, for the second time in a week, hit the “Publish” button on my WordPress blog page…..by accident. (Grrrrr!) Yep, been doing this for going on three years now and only made the blunder twice. …..and did I say in one week?! I have no less than fifty blogs started. Some are nearly complete, some only have a line or two…and some just have a title. When I feel the urge to work on one of them I may finish it, or just write a paragraph or two and revisit it later. 

The second,….and mistake blog, that published today was titled, “Let’s Put it in Perspective”. Had I published it later, which I intended to do, that wouldn’t have been the title. I work hard to find a ‘catchy’ title. That one wasn’t. It was just the title holding the spot until I arrived at ‘the one’ I liked better. I was 90% done with the blog but had to finish that last 10% in 2 minutes. I hate cuttin’ an important topic short!

I said all that to say, the message in the blog is a very important one. So important, in fact, that I was extremely frustrated when I accidentally published it. It’s one that I really believe you should read. One that I think’ll provoke some good thought and be helpful to anyone who takes the time to read it. If a lot of people don’t read it I may post it again under a different name. So, if you see it again….that’s why.   …..or you could just read it again…..it wouldn’t hurt!

I’m really being careful not to hit the “Publish” button again by accident.

I’m takin’ Ross’s advice: “Measure twice, …and cut once”!

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