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Category Archives: Broken Relationships

You Can Only Do What You Can Only Do!

I was having a conversation with a good friend a few weeks back. He was lamenting, so to speak, about some decisions he’d made 10 years or so ago that really affected some people in a negative way; people who he cared about and were important to him. He’s very sincere about doing the right thing; he’s determined to do things that are right and just. He used the best judgment he had to  make his deliberations and his decision. But the decision left the other party feeling hurt and betrayed and my friend has been carrying the weight of this for several years now.

I’d be surprised if  most of  us didn’t have some situations in our past that ended up like that. Situations, that if we were to have the chance for a do-over, we’d definitely take a different course of action. But, here’s the thing;  It’s a fact of life; You can only do what you can only do! We’re faced with all kinds of dilemmas in the normal course of our lives. And, if we’re trying to do the right thing we can only do what we know to be the best thing at that particular time. As we grow in the Lord, we grow in grace….(if we’re not growing in grace….we really aren’t growing in the Lord!) and as we grow in grace we have a deeper, more profound….and actually simpler way of handling our relationship dilemmas, and decisions. We become much more understanding with people, ….as well as, much more patient and forgiving. It’s a natural progression for anyone who’s really trying to follow the leadership of the Lord.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that when the heart is correct the Lord, somehow, has a way of causing good to come from it.….even though we might feel like we mishandled a situation at the time. It seems that He nearly always honors a ‘clean’ heart. Oh, and on the good side, if you can look back and see some of those things that you know you’d handle different today….it’s just good, solid evidence that you’re growing, progressing and maturing!

So, don’t fight your head or beat yourself up too much about those things…..You can only do, what you can only do!

If you have any such incidents that you’d definitely do different today, tell me about  it.

Check these out, too:

If God Has Your Heart, He Can Get Your Feet Where They Belong!

Redirecting!

“I Keep A Close Watch On This Heart Of Mine”

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“It’s Not Your Job to Fix Them!”

It’s been about 7-8 years ago when some very good ministry friends on the west coast contacted us about helping a young man. They described his dilemma, which was totally off the charts, for me. Our friends asked us to pray about allowing him to come to Sayre for a period of time in an effort to help him overcome his addiction. We’ve done this kind of thing fairly often over the past 20+ years with a pretty impressive track record. I say that with all humility. And I’d admit that even though we had a good measure of success, when the Lord is involved….we have very little to do with the results.

We’re often asked….“What kind of program do you have?” Our answer is always, “We don’t have a program”. Not a thing wrong with programs as long as they’re working but we just don’t have a program. I do believe that what we do is pretty important, though. It’s so simple that most people, especially the professionals, would scoff at it…but it just seems to work. We bring those in that the Lord sends our way. We develop a relationship with them, and we consider them part of our family. They do what we do, they go where we go; they’re involved with us in about everything we do. And it’s just pretty amazing the transformation that happens in nearly all of them.

We picked up the young man from the OKC airport and our hearts were immediately joined to his. He was a very likable, personable young man. He opened up and began to talk to Daryle Perry and myself about his problem. He was more deeply involved in sexual activity (50-60 different partners in the previous month!) than I’d ever even heard of before….and he wanted to be free. As he and Daryle talked it began to go through my mind as to ‘how’ we could help him. I’d been involved in ministry a lot but this, well this was way beyond anything I’d ever been exposed to before. I began to agonize over it and I started to worry that we were way in over our heads on this one. Almost as soon as the worry ‘set in’, I heard the ‘still small voice’ of the Lord say, very clearly to my spirit, “It’s not your job to fix him….It’s your job to love him. I’ll do the fixing”! 

That word from the Lord brought some immediate peace to me. So, that’s just what we did….we loved him. He remained here in Oklahoma with us for 6-8 months. He was a hard worker, everyone loved him (literally no one knew what his problems were or why he was here. We stay true to the idea of confidentiality!). The time came when he believed he was free from his addiction and we felt very good about it as well. We were blessed by his time here and became very good friends with him. After he left we stayed in contact with him and still chat occasionally.

I think it’s a very liberating thing for us to all understand (especially ministry people!) that it’s not our job to ‘fix them’…..but it is our job to love them! It really makes all the difference!

You might like this  one, too:

*Click on highlighted link

Do You Have Enough Faith?

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Double Check Your “Invitation List”!!

You’ll be glad you did. Anytime you’re going to host an event, party or get together of any kind you first have to think about who you want to be there. I don’t do many things where I have to think about that but if I did…..I’d definitely double-check! I’m an ‘all-inclusive’ kind of guy and I’d be scared that I’d leave somebody out. That would be awkward and it’d make me feel really, really bad to leave somebody out….and it’d probably make them feel bad too. Yep….definitely double-check the invite list!

Years and years ago there was a wedding happening. There were a lot of people at this wedding; actually quite a few more than the wedding planner had bargained for. So, naturally the refreshments started to run low. The wine for the wedding was just about to the point of running completely out but luckily the hostess had invited her Son to the wedding. She instructed the other helpers at the wedding to do whatever her Son said. He told the helpers to fill up the water containers and take them to the wedding table. When the containers were poured out….miraculously wine was in them! Not the cheap stuff either….it was fine wine.

You’ve probably figured out by now that it was Jesus Who was invited to the wedding. It was the first miracle He performed….changing water into wine.

Have you invited Him? Have you invited Him to your life, to your problems and dilemmas? Have you invited Him to your relationship problems or your business decisions? Have you invited Him to your 401k or your family functions? There could be some miraculous things happen if we would actually invite Him into our little world.

…..PS-And, don’t worry about sending a self-addressed stamp envelope for the RSVP. You can be sure that if you invite Him, He will definitely come!

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‘Betrayal’ – Nothing Easy About It!

Here’s Wikipedia’s definition: Betrayal is the breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations. It’s a pretty conclusive and clear definition but it doesn’t even come close to describing the pain, emotional conflict and relationship devastation that nearly always ensues.

There’s no doubt about it…betrayal is one of the hardest things to endure in the human experience. And what can be even more discouraging is the reality that most of us, in the course of our lives, will find ourselves in that place…..that of the one who’s been betrayed. Where the relationships have been deep and strong the devastation is also deep and strong. Not much that I’ve experienced in my life compares to the pain of outright betrayal. It strikes at the very heart of ‘who’ we are and leaves us in a very weakened and vulnerable spot. That spot can be permanent if we don’t tend to our own hearts and walk our way out of it.

It’s a proven fact that ‘hurt people’…..’hurt people’! *People who are deeply hurt, if it’s not ‘fixed’, hurt others too. They end up living their entire existence out of the pain of betrayal. It’s a sad situation….but it happens a lot.  It can, and most often does, take years to fully recover. But it’s do-able, with the Lord’s help, and we should set our hearts to try.

The ‘real test’ actually comes after the incident of betrayal. The most vital question is not whether or not we can recover from our being betrayed…but can we recover to the degree that we can lay our whole heart out there again to trust….and love again? 

There’s no easy way to recover; at best it takes a long, long time. I do know that to run to the Lord is the right thing. His grace will help to lighten the load, after all, He knows all about betrayal……He overcame it….and so can you!

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